Pleasing Others

About 4 weeks ago, I prayed that the Lord would break me of the dreadful fear of rejection by those I care about - that He would break me of being a people pleaser.  You know, that panic and terror that says "I cannot bear to think that (anyone I care about) is alive in this world and thinking ill of me."  After one of the toughest weeks of my life, where I was placed in a position where silently doing what I felt was right, meant risking the good opinion of some of my favourite people (not being able to explain to them), fighting not to justify myself to all and sundry, something in me broke, and I chose silence. 

I want to share this for Gooseberry Garden this week, despite writing it last week.  I believe that such changes as this bring hope - at least, they do to me!  I can think of nothing better to share for 'change, hope', even if it doesn't match November and Winter.  Hope you enjoy! 

On the death of pleasing others

There comes a moment

When all hope is lost.

You know you tried your best

But still

The words fell like rain

on wind tossed seas

vanished, unnoticed

into the depths

There comes a moment

When you stand

silent

still

beyond trying

to halt the flood

of opinion

filling the creaking hold

faster than you can bail

and you realise

that there came a moment

when with a mighty crack

approbation's mast

splintered and crashed

into the storm

wrenching tattered sails

of obsequiousness

with fear's coiled ropes

from this battered hulk

of shipwrecked regard.

In that moment

will self worth cling

to rotting timbers, smashing

against the rocks of others' views?

Or will realisation dawn

that you are not that wrecked vessel

and yielding in relief

loosen your frantic grip

as it slides to final rest

far beneath the broiling surface

Only then, with lightened heart

can you float alone

finding your feet on pristine shores

in jewelled seas

Free at last.