This is definitely one of my more emotional poems. It is honest, sure, but the question is - is it emotional, or just plain sentimental? I am very thankful for the opportunity at dVerse this week to get some constructive feedback on that very issue. So, don't be shy! And thank you Victoria, for this great opportunity to improve my writing.
To be a blessing
"greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father..." John 14:12
How can it be that we will do greater?
What will You do with the things that You gave?
How can a life that is squandered and tawdry
Bring forth the impact and meaning I crave?
So long I have believed there is nothing of value
Wanting to give, but ashamed of the gift
So often retreated alone in confusion
Fear smashing hope, shipwrecked, adrift.
Watching it creeping like poisonous algae
Sickening taint of shame spreading ill
Under the glare of perfection's harsh sunlight
Blooming in too sluggish pools of good will.
Weeping as gifts that were given in earnest
Corrupted by panic, writhing in pain
Soiled beyond reason, beyond all redemption
I've turned good to dust, echoed Midas' bane.
There is One, only One, who can cleanse where I muddy
Turn ashes to beauty, restore what I spoil
So Lord, take my mourning and somehow, with mercy
Anoint these hands' work with joy's holy oil.
Let your grace empty my heart of this algae
Your purpose and hope, my vision now sear
The talents You gave me, to shine for Your glory
Flowing in love, 'til these waters run clear.
7 comments:
Zoe, I love, love, love your work.
I adore your heart and treasure your friendship.
This is exactly where I've been and where I re-find myself on the bad days.
Thank you for your vulnerability and especially for your companionship in our live's journeys toward Jesus!
Abby,
I can hardly believe that we are so similar in so many ways, and I cannot tell you how much I am thankful that those journeys are entwined. If you EVER wonder if you are a blessing, take it from me - you ARE. I only have to think of how much your love and friendship bless me.
very nice...i think that many can relate to that feeling of being either unworthy or unable to give much of measure...i will say your pen gives much in all you write and you never know who is reading it and may find hope...
The third stanzas images were particularly strong -- the image of perfection as a harsh sunlight and good will as a stagnating pool both felt personal.
Zoe, what I most enjoy about this poem is the lessons learned/taught. The message come through with clarity and read almost like a prayer. I would leave this one as it is. There are definitely details included in this that express emotion (the algae,for example). A fun exercise could be to take a specific incident--for example, an occasion in which someone encounters their weakness, and write a narrative poem about that. I tried to do that in the poem I posted to this prompt, where I went to a psychic, something I had been taught was dangerous, but still learned a lesson because I encountered my fear. Another example could be Michael W. Smith's old song about a one night stand.
The rhyme and meter of this poem flows well. I wouldn't mess with this one.
very profound, keep it up.
!!! ...now you have placed tears in my eyes... This was so beautiful!! I felt I was reading my soul. I related to this oh, so well! How true your written words are...
your words are precious...
~L
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